Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
