3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
