My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
