we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
