Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
