Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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