Sry I called you an 8
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
