My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize