Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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