The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
