im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
