well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
