never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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