No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
