i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize