I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
