i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
