Small penises have feelings too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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