Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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