A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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