Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i've created a new STD.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
