ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
