thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
