1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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