I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
