If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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