they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
