You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize