Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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