I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
