I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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