last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
