You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
