Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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