hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
