Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize