Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
