there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
