"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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