i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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