it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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