Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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