I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize