just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
