Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
