I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
