worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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