watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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