Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In America we eat man semen.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
