What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
