i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
