I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
