we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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