so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
