Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
