now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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