grandma shit on top of the toilet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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