I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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