I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
