So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
