so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These tits shall not be calmed
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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