You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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