I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
