Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ttyl tear gas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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