i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
