She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize