Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
