what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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