i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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